End of may

I must say that May is coming to a close fast. I can not believe that the school year is over and I only have two  years of highschool left. it is amazing how I looked up to some 11th graders just a couple years ago thinking I would never get there but yet here I am.Its amazing how much God has brought me through in my years of highschool. He has been gracious enough not to put me through horrible things but through enough to teach me.

Exams are almost here and I just can not believe that its over, tenth grade has gone by so fast. I am ready for the exams to be over with and sadly i will probably miss school but I do need the break. IB will be rough on me next year, I would like a job this summer too.

Camp is just around the corner. i struggled with camp a lot this year but God has been letting things happen to me latly and im  sure he wants me to go , that i need to go.i need the time away from everyone and the time to spend and worship with Him. I will definatly miss Steven but I hope that we get things worked out... anyways, i must go i need to clean and get stuff prepared for my exams next week which i will probably procrastinate and not do till Sunday.

love...

This week is the play so I will try and get another devotion post up here again soon...

God is love. I find this very awesome. He IS love. You know how sometimes you feel this great passion and you dont want it to leave. Man, sometimes that sense is just so powerful you feel like you are just going to explode because there is this awesome feeling. It is amazing how God , love, works in such a peacful way, it whispers in your ear, holds you, and tells you, everything is ok.

Hollie.

Who I trust...

To be quite honest with you, I've had a nasty tummy flu latly and its making me a little woozy so bear with me if i make no sense or such things...

Psalm 118:4-9 (New International Version)

4 Let those who fear the LORD say:
       "His love endures forever."

 5 In my anguish I cried to the LORD,
       and he answered by setting me free.

 6 The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid.
       What can man do to me?

 7 The LORD is with me; he is my helper.
       I will look in triumph on my enemies.

 8 It is better to take refuge in the LORD 
      than to trust in man.

 9 It is better to take refuge in the LORD
       than to trust in princes.

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   When it comes to trusting, I have a very hard time with trusting even the closest person to me. My Lord says that we should love everyone, and trust Him.  This does not mean that I can never trust anyone, it just means to Trust in the Lord first and He will bring me to know the truth of the situation. Verse 4 of the passage I just posted says that anyone who fears Him - His love will endure forever. Think about it, ... Do I, Hollie fear the Lord? Do you,  *your name*    Fear the Lord? Have you felt His love latly, was that a no, I think I should ask again then... Do you,  *your name*  Fear the Lord?...

 Verse Five says, I cried to the Lord and he answered me... Let me tell you something. My God feels compassion on us. He is not the God of pure wrath. He is a God of justice, and if I hurt, he hurts, if I am in need, He wants to help.... This leads to, does he have to help?... The answer is no... He created this universe for His glory, He dosnt have to do anything.  But He loves me so much, that He does help me, He is there for me.

Verse six... The Lord is with *(Your name)*  . --- What can man do to you.... Think about it. You have the most powerful, loving, creative, amazing, being on your side. I dont even think that anyone would attempt to do anything. What can man do you you... Man can pick on you, man can hurt you, man can do whatever he wants, but the Lord is with me, so guess what... He isnt going to let what He dosnt want happening to you,- happen to you. Be brave, The God of everything, lives inside of you.

  It is better to take refuge in the Lord. Why would you take refuge in anything else? What else is stable enough that you know that it can keep you secure?

Just think about these verses, who do you trust ?

Hollie.

(sorry no pretty colors today, im just too sick to stay on and decorate, lol...)

Who He is...

Before I start on my rampage that you all should read, lol... that picture of the truck I have for my default, I did it with adobe photoshop... MAN... it was frustrating at first but it winds up being really awsesome, I want a copy of photoshop. I did it for art class and it still needs a little work but after its all done,... you realize it was fun.

dont know if anyone reads this but it makes me feel better to see it written out in my words of what me Jesus means to me.

I must say, I am never anywhere near perfect. And I definitly have my times where I am surrounded by the dark and I am trying to find a way out. It has been a rough week, but when I stop and take time to see who my Jesus is, what kind of person God he really is, it amazes me. In just these few verses, it explains a very small part of His greatness.

Revelation 1:5-8 (New International Version)

Oh really?

I just need a blog to keep track of my random thoughts and crazy emotional ... emotions, lol... and more so, to keep track of what God is telling me. Its so much easier doing it on xanga without all of the junk from myspace.

So... Ive been reading a lot of stuff from Pastor Furtick's site and his church site. That is a man of God. He is no fake. He is all out for Jesus... Jesus, thats what I want my focul point to be on. Jesus, thats what I want my life about, Jesus, thats who I want my strength from. I read some incredible stuff he had to say today.

--

"Pastor Steven and Holly took us back to when they first started dating in college to find out what first attracted them to each other.
They directed us to Proverbs 5:18-19

1. “A man who is my best friend.”
Women are emotionally stimulated.
Men are visually stimulated.
Young men, if you want to win her heart, listen to her heart.
Lean in and listen when she’s speaking.
Fast cars and big muscles aren’t sexy.
A man who listens is sexy; a man who plays with his kids is sexy.

2. “A man who walks with God.”
Holly wanted a man who was hearing from God.
Someone who was not perfect, but progressing.
Someone growing and showing signs of spiritual maturity.
Ask him the question, “What has God been teaching you lately?”

3. “A man who makes me better.”
Marriage is not about your happiness.
It’s about your holiness.
Pastor and Holly showed us Proverbs 27:17
That scripture challenges us to make each other better.
To make sure we’ve got each other’s backs.
Ladies, that doesn’t give you the right to criticize your man.
It should instead inspire you to call out the king in him.
Jesus speaks to the future of who you’ll become, not the weakness of now. He calls on wives to speak to her man’s strengths and cover his weaknesses.

4. “A man who has a vision.”
Holly wanted a man with passion and a heart for the Lord.
Someone who was not afraid to lay it on the line and take risks.
Ladies, accept nothing less than a man who loves Jesus with all his heart. Men, ask the Lord for a vision, and don’t just talk about it. Make it happen."

... And isn't this all so true. I am horrible at putting feelings and thoughts into my own words but these words right here really explain something important.

I want a vision. I dont want rules, I want to have this crazy vision so when people ask me what I am doing with my life and I tell them-- they look at me and say "Your freaking Crazy!"I want to know what God is calling me to, I want to figure out what he has for me so I can start. I can begin this mission right now, but I have to know what I want first, I have to seek God for it. I am not a loser, I have a life, and God is gonna use it. But I know one thing has to come first. God... duhhh, lol. Praying, commuicating with him, is the most precious thing and if I want to hear from him, I know that I need to have the most intimate conversations with him. But I feel it. Im not gonna grow up and struggle to get by on life, I might struggle getting by, but not with life, cause Jesus is my life. I have so much for me. God has a HUGE plan, A plan thats gonna blow my mind, A plan thats gonna make me laugh,  A plan thats gonna make me so scared I might want to run, A plan that is going to grab me and suck me in so all I will want to do is praise my Jesus. Believe me, thats all I want to do. I wish there was some way, where I could just do that, just be alone, me and my Jesus, All the time... Every second. I know He's with me for every moment of my life, but If I could give Him every moment of my life, how awesome would that be?!?!. I want to be focused, I want to be there, I want nothing less. I want my Jesus. I want to explode, and tell the world, do what I can, use what I have, and be what I am to show everyone that there is nothing more that anyone needs. That I can take and do anything that is of God's with because God is my strength, He is my courage, He is my life, he is my hope, my love, my need, my rock, my salvation, my help, security, longing, amazement, future, provider, food, and He is in me... This God who is EVERYTHING chose to be humble enough to dwell with in me.  Now tell me... if He grabbed you and gave you a plan and threw you into it , would you go after it, would you laugh at him, would you back down? What if he gave you a building, all the money you needed and 200 people with skills--- have a vision yet? Honestly, I am starting to have a vision but I want a bigger one. I have a bigger one, its just all coming together and God's gonna bring it all together, he is the master, creator, and maker of all plans.

What now?

--Hollie.*

P.S.- By the way...if your reading this and wonderin whats gotten into me, why Im so crazy and what has gotten into me. I'm telling you... its my Jesus!. Do you feel like everything sucks or everythings going wrong, you need more, you want more, you desire this thing more but you have no clue what it is... Im telling you, its my Jesus. I know this. How? - because, listen to the way I just talked... You know you feel this longing, this hole, your trying to figure out what it is... try my Jesus. Go ahead. Give Him a stab. Trust your heart out to Him and give Him your whole life and see how He works in you. You wont regret it.